Diary: Good Writers, Bad Writers, Undercover Cops & Heroin

DIARY: I have been feeling somewhat depressed lately with the never ending cycle of day-to-day life. Since I have taken 2 months off to sort out some medical issues, I am getting lost in the world of too much free time. I think I need work to help keep me focussed on something productive. I have heard it before including from my father but never paid any attention to it, “the more free time you have, the busier you are”. It’s incredible that I have all this free time but I never have enough hours in the day to finish everything. What’s with that? I’m bored out of your mind but can’t be bothered doing anything. Something might be exciting but I lose all interest in it the next day. For example, I finally got a Q & A from Sandra Kanck which I have been pursuing for 6 months but after I posted it, the excitement just fizzled. Maybe I’m relying on this blog too much to fill my days. Adding to this, no one has been commenting here lately which is bizarre because I am getting more hits than ever ... reader hits, that is. This is depressing me considering all the stuff I write and I have very little time to write it in ... er, you know, perceived time I have. OK, so I have heaps of time but that’s my point. C’mon, where all those great comments I used to get? You don’t want me to turn to drugs, do you?

Recently I came into a bit of cash which paid some overdue bills. Not working takes a toll on your finances and the extra money was welcomed. It was also an excuse to use heroin. I have been going without heroin for a while now and coping okay but when the opportunity arises to have 4-5 hours without any depression and to actually feel good, it’s hard to resist. This time though there was a dilemma. My partner, Angela got really pissed off at me which made the experience unpleasant. To feel good on heroin after the initial high actually requires a lot of concentration and the right environment is essential. When I use heroin now, it is after dinner so I feel good in my environment which is usually filled with ups and downs. I spend some time on the internet, do a bit of cleaning and then watch a movie. When I finally go to bed, I feel like I used to; relaxed, secure and optimistic. If Angela is shitty, then it’s all for nothing. It becomes just a waste of money, a hit I didn’t need and it doesn’t pick me up for the next several months of dealing with my situation. Although she understands why I do it, sometimes she finds it hard to accept. I have to realise that being a non-user, she is really never going to understand fully.

Over the last week, I have been reading and watching some insanely bad reporting from the Courier-Mail. The Queensland arm of Murdoch's trash media empire is doing a special report called The Drug Scourge which has the feel of a 1980s style drug hysteria story. It’s backed up with TV stories from related networks. No wonder the public are so misinformed and scared, this is the worst journalism I have ever seen. I wonder if the public will ever get a chance to make an informed opinion about drug policy with such crap infiltrating their lives. I heard one “specialist” claim that a third of first time methamphetamines users become addicted and a member of the Queensland State Drug Investigation Unit said this about ecstasy “Look, it's a drug, it can be abused. I think you could never safely administer it”. When you stand back and admire it for it’s total lack of credibility, it becomes very entertaining. I’m surprised there hasn’t been more written about it because you couldn’t write a better comedy about the subject if you tried. It’s really that bad. The serious faces and alarming clichés, the suggestions that society has lost control, the use of words like “epidemic” and “scourge”. This is not to be missed!

Now, moving 180 degrees in the opposite direction. Every day, I visit a lot of websites and I read some great articles from talented writers. Every now and then, I find a writer who stands out as especially concise, accurate and very easy to read. One such person is Andrew M. Potts, an in-house writer and a board director from the Sydney Star Observer, a weekly gay and lesbian community newspaper/website. I recommend that you go and have a read.

Whilst I was out the other day, I saw some more undercover cops. Strolling along like ... well, a couple of undercover cops. The tracksuit pants, the K-Mart runners, the military haircuts etc. You know the look. I was coming out of the chemist with my meds which may have looked like a fit pack to them. They gave me a good long look before wandering off to catch some dangerous druggies. As I drove home, I started thinking about what would have happened if they stopped me. I was carrying morphine worth over $2,500 on the street (which only cost me $5). If they had stopped me and made a call back to HQ, my name would have come up for previous drug charges. It was then that I got a cold shiver. Would they have taken me back to the police station? Would they check my prescription first with the chemist? I have seen cops pocket drugs before and let the user go but that was a long time ago and it was heroin. Still, the idea of bent police scares me. The other possibility is that they might be over zealous cops. It takes a certain kind of person to volunteer for a career of busting druggies on the street and I’m sure it’s not because they’re humanitarians. Over zealous cops are just as dangerous as the bent ones except they get congratulated and feel no guilt when they ruin your life. Legally I had nothing to hide but I have learnt to avoid the police at all costs. Cops are suspicious by nature so if you’re not in the picture, they can’t link you to anything whether it’s real or not. An ambitious undercover police officer who hates druggies or a bent cop could have turned my trip to the chemist into a nightmare very quickly. Memories of previous visits to the police station are permanent reminders of what can happen if they really want to screw with you.

Note to self: take a carry bag when going to chemist to pick up medication.
Another note to self: don’t be tempted to yell abuse at undercover cops when visiting chemist.