Dairy: Waiting for Your Drug Dealer

When you are hanging out or wanting to score, nothing bothers a drug user more than waiting. Most readers here have probably scored at sometime in their lives so you probably know what I’m talking about. But when you’re an addict and the drug involved is heroin, the stakes are raised by at least ten fold. The combination of anticipation and withdrawal creates an uneasy mix that most addicts would encounter on a regular basis. And the question that crosses everyone’s mind when waiting to score is why the fuck is my dealer late ... again! Surely a heroin dealer - who is most likely addicted as well - knows how much angst is caused by waiting for drugs. They too had to score like the rest of us at one stage and know what’s involved. So why are drug dealers always late?

Low level dealers also have to score except now they wait for a bigger dealer. This must keep them familiar with the concept of waiting. But for some reason - one which I have never been able to establish - they are always late. They all do it but unfortunately, my dealer is the worst. Let me give you some examples.

My dealer’s name is Tan. A decent chap who I have known for over ten years. He is mostly fair with the size of his deals and will even provide credit if he can. But he has a problem ... a major problem. Tan has no concept of time. I’m not talking about the “sorry. I’m late ... the traffic!” excuse. Nor am I not talking about your grandfather who might sometimes mutter, “jeepers, is it that time already?”. No, this is unpredictable, inconceivable, unbelievable and totally unnecessary bad time mismanagement. 

A few months back I rang Tan around midday and asked to see him. I was told that he had to go to the city to refresh his supplies and his estimated return was going to be “an hour or so”. This is where the alarm bells should have gone off.

Tan’s not a big dealer and services a small but steady customer base. It’s more of an informal arrangement than a business and most of his ‘clients' have know him for years. But one thing we as clients have all learned is to never rely on him to be on time. 

Normally on a week day, a trip to the city takes 40-45 minutes with peak hour adding about 30 minutes to the trip. With the added time for conducting his business, there was no way he was getting back within “an hour or so”. But this is where a little known scientific fact kicks in. Waiting for drugs can alter the time-space continuum. That’s right; many years of statistical research and scientific analysis has shown that the calculated period for drugs to arrive is distorted by the degree of hanging out. It’s calculated like this: 15 minutes before Tan leaves plus 45 minutes to the city plus 30 minutes to make the transaction plus 45 minutes to return home plus 15 minutes for me to get to Tan’s house equals - “an hour or so”.

The junkie waiting equation (aka “an hour or so”):

15 + (45 x 2) + 30 = 60

As usual, the wait was excruciating. And in case you weren’t aware, every drug minute takes three normal non-drug minutes(another little known scientific fact). Anyway, it was finally “an hour or so” since I first rang Tan so I called to see if he was ready. 

Terry: “Can I come over now?”

Tan: “Soon ... we are just about to leave”

WTF!!! He hadn’t even left yet! Remember, I had rang him at midday and he was supposed to back by now. I can’t remember the exact words I used after I hung up but they weren’t family orientated. That I know for sure. My day was not off to a good start.

Eventually, it hit 2:00pm but I decided to give it an extra 10 minutes. It had been two whole hours since I had first rang so he was due back any moment and giving it an extra 10 minutes should accommodate any unforeseen delays. Somehow though, I knew in the back of my mind that it was not enough so I bravely waited another 5 minutes. Then another 5. Finally I gave in at 2:30pm. Two and half hours after the initial call should surely be enough time.

Terry: “Can I come over now?”

Tan: “Soon, we’re on the way”

Terry: “on the way back?”

Tan: “No, just on the way”

You must be starting to understand why I hate Tan so much. How hard is it to drive somewhere and come back again within an agreed timeframe?

Why is this happening today? I had skipped my scheduled meds for this and was now starting to suffer withdrawals. I was in pain and Tan’s simple task of driving to the city and back was the key to stopping it. 

By 3:30pm I was sure my time had come. After all, I had rang at midday and the estimated “hour or so” was now 3 and a half hours. Tan couldn’t possibly be that useless.

Just to add some background to the story. I had originally told Tan that my partner needed the car at 3:00pm. I asked him specifically if he was going to be back before then because I couldn’t come over after 3:00pm. Of course, Tan had assured me he would be “an hour or so”. Again at 2:30pm I told him about the urgency of the situation but he assured me he wouldn’t be long.

It’s now 3:30 and Mrs Wright is going apeshit on the phone for not having the car. I tossed up whether to ring Tan or just head on over to his house. Surely he was back by now - it was over 3 and a half hours since I first called.

From years of experience I had learnt a few rules that helped to keep me sane. First of all, always double the expected time. Ten minutes is at least 20 minutes and half an hour means an hour or more. Secondly, never ask Tan to hurry if I have a set timeframe. He just doesn’t have the ability to grasp deadlines.

3:30pm

Terry: “Can I come over now?”

Tan: “Soon”

Terry: “Where are you?”

Tan: “I have just arrived to pick up. I’ll be back home in an hour or so”

Arrrgghhhhh!!! #@$##%$%

I finally caught up with Tan at 5:30pm. Five and half hours after the first call. The longest “an hour or so” in history.

This was just one example of how useless my drug dealer is. The last time I scored I told him I had only 30 minutes to get to his house, have a fix and get home. Again, my partner needed the car for work. “Yup, come on over“ Tan said. I leapt into the car, stopped at a ATM for cash and got to Tan’s house within 15 minutes. I knocked on his door and waited impatiently. Five minutes goes extremely slow when you have 15 minutes to fix then get home before your partner murders you. What the hell is he doing? I knocked again, yelling out that I’m in a goddamn hurry. Finally, Tan appears and says that he will be back shortly ... he has to go and get it first. 

Then there’s the time that I wanted to use without Mrs Wright knowing. She had gone out for an hour so I rang and asked if Tan could come over straight away. “Yup, I’ll be over in 10 minutes”, he said. I emphasised that I had less than an hour and if he turned up after that, the deal was off. I asked him to tell me now if he couldn’t make it and I would see him later instead. He assured me he would be there in time.

30 minutes later and no Tan. Feeling slightly panicky, I rang to see how far away he was. He told me he was just about to leave. I waited for 15 more minutes and knew that this was my last hope before Mrs Wright appeared. So I rang Tan again and said Mrs Wright was due home in less than 15 minutes. He then explains, “I can’t come over. I don’t have a car at the moment”. Seriously … what do you say to that?

I have searched the pages of many medical journals on the internet looking for a time disorder that affects drug dealers. There doesn’t seem to be one. So what the hell does Tan have? What could make someone so oblivious to the concept of time? Apparently though, there are many drug dealers who suffer this infliction. Considering the carnage caused by this terrible disorder, I am seriously thinking about starting a charitable foundation for them. Does anyone want to recommend a name for the foundation because I have a few suggestions.