Diary: What Does Heroin Feel Like? (Part II)

Diary: The most googled search that finds it’s way to The Australian Heroin Diaries is “What Does Heroin Feel Like” or something similar. So I decided to again write about my experience under the influence of diacetylmorphine (heroin) and compare the results. I have only added a few formatting changes and one missing word. Otherwise, it is written as I experienced it (except the epilogues).

One Cool Evening

8:24pm
I felt the tingles all over my body but it’s stopped now.
This is good gear or maybe it’s just my meds have worn off more than usual.

I get a sudden image from a scene from Lost(TV show). John Lock is about to undergo suggery whilst Ben and co look on. After the surgery something is going to appear in the magic box. The funny thing is, Ben is on the operating table

I realise I have constantly been blocking my ears by holding my breath and clenching my jaw.

8:29pm
I light a smoke. I have a great big stretch rubbing my face and head intensely.
My ear blocking is becoming a background action.
I close my eyes and stretch again, twisting shoulders, neck and head. From a distance, it would look like I’m retarded. This thought makes me stop. Should I include an image to show you? Stupid thought!!!
I have a drink of raspberry.
Suddenly everything is dead quiet. I can hear a repeat of Lost coming from the lounge room. Now I can hear the fan on the PC beside me.
I butt my smoke out.

8:37pm
I felt straight again for a 5-10 seconds until the ear blocking kicked in again.
I notice I am scratching a lot. I’m also sweating.
I have another drink ... and a smoke.
I am staring at the cigarette before the ear blocking breaks my focus.
I’m scratching everywhere but I am not annoyed by it for some reason.
I had just nodded off for a minute or so. I had weird images of Lost racing through my mind. I can still hear it in the background.
Another drink.
I am pleasantly relaxed except for the nagging worry that I have forgotten something that is going to catch up with me. I have this constantly so I just live with it and accept that it is just part of my depression.

8:48pm
Did I just write that?!?!
I get a sudden rush of euphoria. It forces my eyes shut and my head starts hanging down. I must look like a real junkie now. mmmm, whatever.
I’m nodding in and out of sleep. It’s a nice feeling. I can’t think of another term except ‘nice’.

8:56pm
Wow, it feels like we just had an intermission.

8:59pm
Two intermissions!

Epilogue
I can’t remember why I stopped at 8:59pm? I probably fell asleep again or got side-tracked and forgot that I was writing about the experience. Anyway, it must be pretty boring to read about someone else’s high. It is almost impossible to describe that feeling that heroin brings you. I often read that it wraps you in a cotton ball while being in a state of total bliss. I think somehow that description comes from those who have never touched heroin. I can’t ever recall feeling totally isolated or being in a world of total bliss. The description possibly comes from the same people who say that it takes away all your worries and that’s why users are attracted to it. I wish I could pinpoint it that easily.


Can anyone give me an apt description of what a heroin high feels like? And please, no social workers/family of addicts/counsellors who think they understand from their experience dealing with users.

One Sunny Day

7:30pm
The Hit - Very easy this time. First go and wham!

Instantly I got tingling and itching all over my body. Lower spine, upper back and shoulders, head, upper arms, feet and ankles. In about 2 seconds it quickly covered all of my body. I actually felt a bit scared at first and for a second I thought, this is it... over I go. But as usual, it calmed down and seconds later I was scared it was all about to go away. Jeepers! When it appears before me in words, it strikes me as being so junkie like. Think about it - It took less than 5 seconds from fearing I was going to die to being worried I was not going to be high.

7:40pm
Very calm and relaxed. I have had a volatile week and it was great to feel some inner peace. I don’t worry that it won’t last, I’m just glad it’s now.

My eyes keep closing and I nod off when I am sitting down at the computer. I have had to retype this twice now because my hand rests on the keyboard when it happens. Or was it 3 times? Ah, who cares.

8:10pm
Getting sleepier now and nodding off for 30 seconds or more at a time. Crazy dreams! Try this one; several people including myself are carefully analysing a black and white video of some professional female cyclists cheering and celebrating the 911 attacks. It is pointed out that a man in the background is carrying an orange roadside “witches hat” that he passes to someone walking past. It’s the only coloured object. He then takes it upstairs, knocks on a door and gives it to someone when they open the door. He then unlocks a cupboard and takes out several pizza boxes and slowly heads downstairs. One of the people watching the video monitor asks to slow it down and zoom in on the pizza boxes. Slowly a pixelated image appears of a Space Invader(1970s video game) logo with big type beside it reading “Do Not Deliver”. All this started outside but turned into a nightclub by the time the pizza boxes appeared.

BTW, it took me nearly 15 minutes to type this story.

8:25pm
This is getting harder to do. Heroin isn’t like amphetamines, MDMA or LSD etc. where you might suddenly have a revelation or an epiphany. There’s no special magical moment that “clicks” and you discover the meaning of life. The peak of the high is spent falling asleep or nodding off. If you go to bed, you will have wild dreams which feel like they last hours but are usually only a few minutes. Even while writing this, I have nodded off and had several short dreams.

8:40pm
I am not cooking tonight and Mrs Wright is not very happy. Since it’s Monday, a lot of take-aways are closed so she can’t order her usual favourites. Anyway, she has finally ordered something and is waiting impatiently whilst every now and again reminding me that she is hungry.

I’m being a real junkie tonight. Several times I have lighten up a cigarette although I already have one on the go. I keep nodding off and forgetting what I was writing. The incident I mentioned before about tingling and itching all over my body. Man, there goes my Order of Australia nomination from the PM!

9:00pm
Dinner has arrived and Mrs Wright is demanding I come now.

As I paid the deliver dude, I thought I saw something out the corner of my eye. Delivery Dude then informs me that a massive spider is on the edge of the door, 3 inches from my head. Luckily I still understand the imperial system and ran like fuck. I threw him the bottle of napalm I have especially for spiders and he proceeded to exterminate the deadly, poisonous, evil life-taker.

I think I’m straight now.

It’s probably a good time to go.

Goodbye.

Epilogue
I hate spiders as you have probably gathered. Luckily, the delivery man was once a Watchman or an X-Men and slain the beast with napalm (fly spray) and various warrior like weapons (his shoe). No ordinary man could stand strong through an experience like I had and the heroin was no contest for adrenalin and fear. I can vividly remember that night, the splattered blood, the evil monster, a near death experience. That is why I stopped writing where I did ... and it was dinner time.


I have noticed that while being smacked out, my writing is isn’t much different to when I’m normal. I’m not sure how to take this? Do I always write like a junkie on hammer or am I able to function adequately whilst being on heroin? Looking back over what I wrote, I made very few mistakes or at least corrected them as needed. I know this would not be the case if I had been drinking ... or on acid, PCP, magic mushrooms etc.


Does anyone else function well when on heroin?


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Diary: What Does Heroin Feel Like? (Part I)
Diary: What Does Heroin Feel Like? (Part III)