Following on from the last article: DIARY: Christmas in Junkie Land (you might want to read this first)
Just a quick update on how Xmas day went.
Now for the most important details … presents. A generous Santa always comes to our house and this year was no exception. I got a new Apple Magic Mouse which has a touch surface for scrolling. I also got a new DVD burner, wireless phone for the office, some socks and, of course, some money for a hit. My family gave me some CK after-shave, Tea-Tree shampoo, natural moisturiser(dry skin from years on methadone) and Belgium biscuits. What a score!
Xmas lunch was everything I anticipated. An entree of prawns, oysters and salmon on a bed of lettuce. Roast turkey, ham and veggies for main course. And then the Christmas pudding with custard. My father is a seafood addict and repeated his satisfaction with the entree at least 13 times before I stopped counting. I recommended an excellent addiction treatment centre for him to kick his seafood habit.
In the end, I didn’t take up my option to use heroin as it was after 7pm when everyone left. Instead, I had a few extra pills from my weekly prescription which calmed me down after such an intense day. I eventually took up my option a few days later which meant I didn’t have to take all my daily meds. This made up for the 2 extra pills I had taken on Xmas day.
This might be the last Xmas I will spend with Mrs Wright so it was very important to me. After 13 years together, she has decided that she needs someone who can provide the things that I can’t anymore. Being Italian means that family functions are an important part of her life and I just can’t be there like she requires. Also, my drug history has been an issue for her family ever since we first met and I will never meet with their approval. I fully understand that she needs certain things that I can’t give her so it’s best for me to eventually move out. Although we remain best friends, I can’t stay here and witness any new person in her life.
One of my brothers and his wife are moving to the NSW coast so I am seriously thinking of going with them. Their new house has a small unit attached which they wanted to rent it out so it’s an ideal situation for me. Luckily, I get to take our beloved pooches which is excellent for me but a real downer for Mrs Wright. Without having kids, these 2 dogs have been an integral part of our lives and I can’t imagine how either of us would cope without them. On the bright side, this move will hopefully be the start of a new phase in my life that will enable me to deal with my depression and maybe even lead to the end of my reliance on opiates.
One advantage of my job is that I can work from anywhere with an internet connection. This means I can continue to service some of my clients regardless of my location. I have a few pending projects and hopefully I will be able to complete them from my new locale. It also means that I can continue with The Australian Heroin Diaries.
For the first time in over a decade, my future is scaring me. I love the house where I live and can’t imagine living anywhere else. I also can’t imagine not sharing my life with Mrs Wright. Am I making the right decision? Only time will tell.
BTW, thanks to all those who wished me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Same to you!
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10 comments:
Sorry to hear about your wife Terry. 13 years is a long time. I can imagine how difficult that must be. All the best with your new life and thanks again for your work. Cheers, Jason
Jason! Dude, you wouldn't BELIEVE how many people are looking for you...
Lame joke, sorry.
Terry, good luck with everything. You are a wondeful, invaluable advocate for a marginalised group of people, and a great writer. Please remember that when you are experiencing the inevitable lack of self-worth that comes with the end of a relationship.
Happy New Year.
-- RV
I'm very sorry to hear this news Terry. Take care of yourself during these crossroads. I hope 2011 brings you many bright days.
I look forward to reading more of your blog in the coming year. The stigmatisation of being a heroin user is something I have acutely struggled with but you and others give me hope for something better than what currently is. Spark some minds in 2011, wherever you may be.
I had hoped 2010 would be a non heroin using xmas as I finally got myself on a pharmacotherapy program. This was no small task. All was going well until I was booted off 2 days prior to xmas for bringing in a script for benzodiazepam. Ho hum. I'll dust myself off and try again.
Thanks Jason, RV and anon. for your kind words.
Yep, 13 years is a long time but this has been coming for a few years now. Funny thing is, we now get along better than ever.
I was considering tossing in The Australian Heroin Diaries but when I get comments like the above, I just can't do it. I really appreciate you guys!
As for anon being kicked off the methadone program for trying to buy benzos ... that sux. If anything, they should up your dose. There was a heated discussion on the ANCD email forum about this very topic and most health workers agreed that situations like this do not warrant removing someone from treatment. The very nature of drug addiction means that this will occur sometimes.
Anon, I am fairly sure you can still get on the methadone program. Each state has a hotline you can ring so I would be doing that.
If you need any help, please email me and I will sort it for you.
Thanks again, everyone.
Hey Terry,
Everyone who comes into our lives has a purpose (towards us) and once that is served they move away. People marry when they owe each other something what we call as Karmic Debt (maybe I am old school). So you and Mrs Wright have fulfilled yur duties towards each other and the 'account' is settled. It's a simple law of energy. What goes around comes around and vice versa.
Secondly, as far you dont hurt anyone physically /emotionally and don't spoil the environment you can never make a wrong decision. And even if you have done so and realise and try to make things go right, its just fine or I'd say perfect! So go for your new life without any second thoughts.
And honestly, I really do find your
fighting spirit very very commendable. I do not know anything about drugs but I can imagine to an extent (yes not totally as we can never imagine something properly till we ourselves experience it) how much of will power/strength it would take to get into a mode where you do all it takes to get out of it. Its okay to fall but its not okay to not try to get up. :).
Okay, sorry for the mumbo jumbo.
Wishing you a very happy New Year. You will do just fine !
Hi Puja
That is simply beautiful.
Thank you so much for your inspirational words.
Happy New Year.
Terry,
I second what Puja said. I'm sorry to hear about you and Mrs Wright but it sounds like things have run their natural course...
I've never tried heroin - purely through a fear of needles and the fact that I'm scared I might like it too much.
I'm battling my own demons with the booze.
Like yourself, I have a professional job which I can hold down quite successfully. A "functioning alcoholic" in much the same way as you could be considered a functioning addict.
I guess that's why I can relate to your story.
Yesterday was the first day in four straight months that I didn't wipe myself out by getting smashed. Today is the second. I've started on Antabuse which makes you really sick if you touch of drop of booze. This is after trying Naltrexone and Campral without success.
I try not to think to far in advance. In fact my philosophy on life is not to have too many great expectations. Then one is seldom disappointed if nothing much happens!
Anyway, look after yourself. And as I said not so long ago, don't be too hard on yourself.
We're only human after all.
Dear Terry,
Whatever you do, do not give up on this blog! It is a valuable resource for educating people about drugs and the propaganda surrounding them(not to mention pointing out just how bad our pollies are!). To come out of a relationship like that will surely be a shock to the system, but if you both come out of it feeling like its the wright thing(sorry bad pun...) then all will be ok :-)
Anyway, I hope it all works out and you will find someone that accepts your past and present.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Mr Ghostface
PS. The State Within is airing on ABC. Incredible drama miniseries about politics and terrorism, but isn't completly gay FUD that americans love
Hey Terry, long time anon poster. i think your blog is inspirational and one of the only australian based resources on drug law reform around so please try and continue your good work. i havnt much to say that others havnt already expressed, just that you are touching alot of people with not only your storys of others, but storys of yourself. the mentality, the inner workings of your brain really resonate with alot of things in my life and i imagine many others too who never even post.
all the best and i hope the next special person to come into your life will be sooner rather then later.
Thanks everyone for your kind and encouraging words.
Anon 1:
Puja's comments were amazing.
Good luck with your sobriety. Alcohol, like any addiction can be despairing and I hope the new meds work out well for you. Hopefully, life will take on a new meaning very soon.
BTW. Don't try heroin - it's not worth it unless you have the right environment and plenty of will power.
Ghostface:
I've decided to keep going with this blog because of all the recents comments like yours.
I have seen The State Within and loved it. How about Sharon Gless who plays Lynne Warner. She is in the TV series Burn Notice and plays a completely different role. You should check it out.
Anon2:
I get quite a bit of web traffic but often wonder if my blog makes that much of a difference. Then I get comments like yours and I get a new found enthusiasm. I'm going to include a lot more personal stuff this year and see how that goes. It's much less time consuming than researching articles!
Anyway, thanks again to everyone. I really appreciate your feedback and especially the support regarding my breakup.
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