Diary: Injustice, Hillary Clinton and Getting Ripped Off!

Trust Me!!!

Ripped Off!

Although I might vigorously fight against the junkie image portrayed by the media and an ignorant public, I am realistic enough to accept that many druggies are still dirtbags. Many addicts are desperate and will take advantage of a situation that most people would not. But I need to emphasise that without their addiction, they may well act like any other person off the street. The fact is that there’s no hell on earth that offers as much excruciating pain and sheer terror as heroin or opiate withdrawals. Trying to avoid this agony will drive most junkies to do something they don’t want to.

So, why did I trust some unknown druggy with $150 to score for me? Knowing how desperate some druggies are should have kept me from putting too much trust into someone I didn’t know, especially when it comes to money. So, of course I got ripped off and now have nothing to show for it. Yes, I’m an idiot and yes, I should have gone with him and yes, I should have checked his mobile phone number wasn’t disconnected and yes, I should have written down his car rego and yes, I should have held something of value until he returned and yes… blah blah blah.

I’m writing this because I’m so pissed off for not taking the time to careful. I can live with the loss of $150 but it’s embarrassing that I acted so desperately when I saw a chance to finally score some speed. He has obviously done this before and must have thought he was dreaming when some stranger asked him if he could score. Just imagine what he thought when I offered him $50 just to do it! 

But the most annoying aspect of all this is hindsight. Like those inconsistencies that become apparent after the fact. For example, he said it was $350 for 3 grams but when I asked if there was a smaller quantity available, he told me it was $100 per gram. The maths should have set off alarm bells. And when I offered him $50 for his trouble, he turned it down. Why would he go to all that effort to score for a stranger … for free? I should have noticed the urgency as well.

Once again, I have learnt a valuable life lesson but will my resolve to be less trusting of druggies fade over time? It’s true that addicts are hard done by when it comes to the stereotyped image that society has given them but the anger and embarrassment from being ripped off by one of them nearly stops me even caring … until I realise I’m one of them!

Yes, I am a druggy as well. I was the one who was looking to score and I initiated the first contact. The difference though, is that I wasn’t looking to cheat someone through deceit. I was merely wanting to purchase something that made me happy. I was willing to pay for it with money I earned and even offered $50 to the shyster for 20 minutes work. But like every group of people, there are always some who are trash. Some who will rob you blind and have no respect for anyone except themselves. Addiction is a curse that will drive some desperate people to desperate measures but this guy is simply one of those lowlifes that infest every collection of people we put a tag on.

Hillary Clinton and THAT Comment

On a lighter note, Hillary Clinton has been nominated for the Silliest Comment of the Year award. 

BE WARNED: You might need to sit down for this one. 

Whilst in Mexico, Hillary was being interviewed for a local TV news show. The reporter asked for her opinion about the latest suggestion from some politicians that legalising drugs might turn around the drug war in Mexico. Hillary responded:

I don't think that will work. I mean, I hear the same debate. I hear it in my country. It is not likely to work … There is just too much money in it.

Well, that’s a new angle.

Hillary continued:

and I don't think that – you can legalise small amounts for possession, but those who are making so much money selling, they have to be stopped. They can’t be given an even easier road to take, because they will then find it in their interest to addict even more young people. Mexico didn’t have much of a drug problem before the last 10 years, and you want to keep it that way. So you don’t want to give any excuse to the drug traffickers to be able legally to addict young people.

There you go. Words of wisdom from one of the most powerful people on the planet. 

Is anyone worried that this person is one of the key decision makers for a country that enforces their local drug policy on the entire world? How the US manage their drug policy affects hundreds of millions of people from every country but one of it’s most powerful leaders can’t comprehend a simple yet fundamental economic principle. The premise of any prohibition driving up prices is universally understood so why would the US Secretary of State be so clueless? Whether Hillary is genuinely a bit thick on real world situations or was trying to spin her way out of a tricky question, it seems that as usual and regardless of context, any mention of drugs and all common sense, logic and reason fly out the window.

Harm Minimisation Coming to New Jersey - Only 20 years Too Late

Sometimes it's hard to believe it's 2011.

From the New Jersey News:

Bill To Permit The Sale Of Syringes Without A Prescription Advances

TRENTON – A bill sponsored by state Sen. Joseph F. Vitale to allow pharmacies in New Jersey to sell hypodermic syringes and needles without a prescription was approved by the Senate Thursday by a vote of 28-12.

Yep, after decades of lobbying by numerous health organisations and with rates of HIV/AIDS amongst intravenous drug users topping out over 1000% higher than Australia, New Jersey is attempting to legalise syringes. Not marijuana or ecstasy or even heroin but syringes.

It’s definitely goods news and long overdue but how could New Jersey be so out of touch with reality? It’s a real brain bender that this law existed for so long while mountains of research and evidence - clearly showing that access to clean injecting equipment saved lives and money - kept landing on the desks of law makers. What about the thousands of deaths that were racked up from blood borne diseases while complacent politicians and holier-than-thou anti-drug nutters congratulated themselves for “not sending the wrong message”. Being charged for possession of a syringe without a prescription is just absurd but then I’m used to Australia’s pragmatic approach and successful harm minimisation programs. I can’t help but wonder though - if they were so freaked out over syringes, imagine what they thought when someone suggested a needle exchange program?!

Dropping this law is a no-brainer and I’m sure most people agree. But look again at the votes. Did you notice that 12 senators want to retain the current law? WTF is that about? How much evidence do they need? How many drug users have to contract HIV/AIDS or Hep C before they change their mind? Don’t they feel foolish being a minority when the issue being voted on involves saving lives? In 2011, there is no excuse for voting against this bill. Those that did, should be made to explain their reasoning and if they roll out the usual "War on Drugs" rhetoric, then they should be put in a time machine and sent back to the 1980s.

Bernie Finn Feedback

Talking about out-of-date politicians, I have received quite a bit of feedback about the Bernie Finn article. If you remember, I questioned Finn’s support of the death penalty especially for drug dealing. After I posted the article, I sent off several email to politicians in the western suburbs of Melbourne. I noticed from my web logs that nearly every email recipient then went on to read my article with several emailing me back. Surprisingly, every email I received supported my views with some politicians even making a point to tell me that they completely opposed Finn’s warped ideology.  I just wish they would be more vocal in public while they have the power to make a difference.

Injustice

And on a final note, I received an email from Gary Toca, the young man at the centre of the Justice is a Joke article. Gary was cruelly sentenced to 10 years jail for supplying the heroin that killed his friend, Pierce Sharai. He wasn’t a drug dealer but was simply the one chosen out of a group of friends to make the purchase. As I said in the original article, Gary’s sentence is cruel and unjust yet typical of how desperate some opportunists have become to jail drug offenders. They weren’t dealing with some violent punk with a long rap sheet but an honours student with no criminal background. Although Gary was helping police, it seems that when they couldn’t find the drug dealer, they turned their attention to an easier target … Gary himself. Is this one of the worst cases of injustice you have ever read about?

Here’s Gary’s first email (with his permission):

Hey Terry, 

This is Gary Toca, the person who was sentenced to 10 year's for his friend's overdose.  I am currently on bond and have to report to Beaumont, Texas on February 17 to begin my jail term.    

I really appreciate the article you wrote.  

This has been a very difficult time for me, but I am thankful for anyone who expresses concern for my case or for harsh drug laws in general. Your article speaks truth on many levels.  

People like you are needed in the US and abroad, in order to raise awareness about the draconian sentencing that is rendered upon those involved with drugs; as well as, the over sentencing that occurs due to politicians primarily being concerned with the advancement of their careers. Another serious problem with the justice system in the US is the FBI, DEA, and other agencies. They can be vindictive and tyrannical; a far cry from the way the public perceives them to be.  

If you have any questions about me or my case, I will be glad to answer them. It's good to know that you believe that drug users should be treated as people with medical problems, and not criminals. 

Thanks, Gary Toca

Gary’s second email

Hello again,

Yes, this incident has been devastating for me. When I first was informed that I would probably receive around a 10 year sentence, I was completely despondent and felt suicidal most days.  I can't really describe how depressed I was. Knowing that I would be much older when I got out was what really had me down.

They do have good time in the Federal system (you have to serve 85% of your sentence), along with a drug program which takes a year off of your sentence and guarantees you 6 months in a halfway house if you qualify for it. Assuming that I earn all of my good time credit and get into the drug program, I should spend about 7 years in there and get out when I am 30.  

Someone who has changed my outlook on this though, is my mentor, Hakim Kashif. He spent around 16 1/2 years in federal prison for distributing cocaine.  He changed the way I think about being in prison by getting me to think positively and to focus on the things I can do to better myself while I am there. He has helped me to have hope again. While it can still be very difficult for me at times, I try to keep in mind that I can still have a good life when I get out and can be in better shape physically and mentally than I ever would have been had this not happened to me.  

As far as my case is concerned, I will not be able to appeal, since I plead guilty and there were no breaches of my plea agreement. The only thing that could reduce my sentence is a change in the legislature.  Such a thing seems unlikely at this point, so I don't plan on holding my breath.  

I could go on for days about the problems with US Federal justice system in how they handled my case, along with thousands of other drug offenders, but I will have to save that for another e-mail.

Peace

PS - I would not mind you posting any of my e-mails on your site.  

I can’t help but feel devastated about this story. Gary Toca seems to be a decent, intelligent human being who has had his life shattered by some shit stain wanting to further their career. I hope that person is happy with their handy work. I also hope that person is run over by a truck.

Darren Marton - No Way!

I had some great feedback to the Bucket Head of the Year Awards including from several of the nominees. One award winner, Darren Marton (Anti-Drug Propagandist - Rising Star Award for 2008) left a few long comments which basically accused me of not being worthy of other addicts who had a much tougher time than me ... especially referring to himself. After pondering his last reply, I thought I should expand on some interesting points. Darren Marton’s No-Way Campaign appears very similar to the “Just Say No” school of thought where anyone can avoid drug addiction by being strong willed and simply saying no to drugs. This was made famous in the US via Nancy Regan’s “Just Say No’ campaign. Of course it was a huge flop but is still the corner stone of most anti-drug campaigns today. I would guess that most campaigns have good intentions but the usual scare tactics and moralising doesn’t seem to be very successful. The D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program in the US is a classic example where no one bothered to examine it’s success and it was just accepted as the gold standard for schools. After some much needed analysis, it seems that apart from not lowering the rate of drug taking amongst students, it actual has the opposite effect. What shits me is the blind acceptance of the “Just Say No” strategy. Even though there is research indicating it’s ineffectiveness, many campaigners march on anyway ignoring the facts. More importantly, some of the more unscrupulous types try to trick the public into accepting this strategy as being highly successful and will discredit anyone who opposes them. Is Darren Marton one of these people? Unfortunately for him, it’s a double edged sword. Either he does know the facts and continues on with the charade or he doesn’t know the facts but he should. Either way. it’s a problem. So when he pulls one of the old anti-drug, propaganda stunts and asks me to provide a plan for heroin legalisation even though I have never supported it, it’s time for me to act. What can I do? Ignore it? Ring George Soros for campaign funds? Lobby the government? With so many options I decided to be brave and direct ... after washing the dishes and cleaning up the dog poo, I opted to write this article. Tough issues need tough action! I awarded Darren Marton the Anti-Drug Propagandist - Rising Star Award for 2008 so I expected some retaliation but when it’s just more of the very thing that got him the nomination in the first place, I will gladly play along. It isn’t very hard for I have several factors on my side ... the truth, evidence, facts, expert support, medical support, scientific support and common sense. Lastly and most importantly, this is my website so I can say what I want. Maybe it’s this fact that is changing attitudes because no longer do the MSM and the government have carte blanche on information. The MSM is not the only source of information anymore that has so much of the public believing anti-drug propaganda. Anyone is now able to find the facts in an instant which is opening up much needed debate on issues like drug policy.

Darren Marton's comments are in red

January 7, 2009 Re: TERRY GOOD - SHOW ME THE PLAN !

I know what you’re thinking but I have no idea either what “Terry Good” means

Special note: I am not affliated with Drugfree Australia nor am I affiliated with any other organisation to set the record straight Terry Good. I distanced myself from them a long time ago.

That sounds ominous. Were they too hard core even for the winner of the Anti-Drug Propagandist - Rising Star Award for 2008 - Darren Marton? Interestingly, Darren’s No-Way Campaign website includes pictures of and endorsements from DFA members.

Terry Good, memoirs of a heroin addict’s dairy! I must confess I find it extremely difficult picturing Terry Good sitting in a holding cell with holes in his arms the size of key holes about to descend into heroin withdrawal. Hang on a minute - nah, but hang on, nah, not Terry Good, the professional addict. Think about it, a day in the life of an academic professional addict ; sourcing and scour ring for products to sell just to even feel normal, seven days a week, 365days of the year, year in and year out, decade to decade, no birthdays, no Christmas days. I’m not picturing it, can you??? Take a big pause my friends, ah, if only 1/4 of us addicts (junkies – that’s how he likes to refer to them) could have lived the life of a professional addict like Terry Good. All the while maintaining one's dignity with a home, a job, a car, the pets, not to mention the legitimate shopping once a week – ah Terry Good, if only just to shop legitimately for one day - even just to purchase a razor once without having to rip of a bar code. If only it were so easy. I never thought that going to jail or stealing was a prerequisite to be considered a “real addict”. Most of the addicts I have met are not homeless and many have jobs. Some are on the dole, some are professionals, some are criminals and some are tradespeople. Some live with mum and dad, some move between friends and some are married with children. Some are young and some are old. The only constant is the lack of guidelines on who becomes an addict.

It seems Darren has a problem with anyone who didn’t fall as far as he did and like any self respecting, street tough, knockabout lad and footy player turned junkie, he rubbishs anyone who is educated or has not had to deal with life on the streets. The problem is he is wrong. I have been to jail, I have stolen and cheated, I have lived recklessly and I am not educated. My street days are in the past and my blog starts well after that. The irony of Darren’s assertions is that he had what many addicts don’t have - support from their family. When he received the the Pride of Australia Medal 2007 - Role Model, Darren dedicated his medal to his mother, Maureen Marton. She said, "I never gave up on him" which is good for Darren but someone cynical could say that he didn’t do it tough because he always had his family to fall back on. Of course this is ludicrous but so is saying that a heroin addict who functions adequately within society is somehow not a real junkie.

I think Terry Good’s mind has been open for far too long and it needs to be closed for renovations. He is obviously another academia educated beyond his intelligence.

I am flattered. To be called “another academia educated beyond his intelligence”, pleases me greatly. You see, I left school when I was 15. It wasn’t until I was about 20 years old that I discovered work as a way out of a directionless existence. I worked my way up through the financial markets as a clerk and ended up being a money market dealer for one of the big banks. I then worked in various industries over the years until eventually I started my own business which was growing quite nicely including several employees. Then my wife died suddenly and I turned to heroin. The next 8 - 9 years were hell and included all the juicy bits that would make Darren proud. I got to achieve success in my career through hard work and determination, not because of my education. If that makes me sound ‘educated’, that’s a bonus. I find it bizarre that Darren Marton can criticise me for this. To pull myself out of a glut and try to make the best of a bad situation. To be fair to Darren, he didn’t read enough of my site to know my history but there also lies the problem. Darren’s side of the drug debate often don’t get all the facts and are prepared to make wild accusations to suit their argument and get their point across. Reading through Darren’s response, you will also see the contempt for research and facts that tear at his strategies and the mocking of academia and science as some sort of evil, reminiscent of the religious argument against evolution vs. creationism. I don’t doubt Darren’s motives but having gone to the DFA school of propaganda, I feel his mission might be somewhat askew.

All I can say is; SHOW ME THE PLAN TERRY GOOD!

The rest of Darren’s reply is pointless. It is all based on the usual misconception that anyone pro-Harm Minimisation or anti-prohibition wants an open market for the sale of drugs. I have never once suggested that heroin should be sold freely to the public. I am opposed to that idea but Darren again assumes something without knowing the facts.

It’s all well and good to have all the answers there squire – but where’s the plan on how Terry Good is going to implement it all and save the lives of all the worlds junkies. I have been around long enough now to learn all the academia jargon Terry Good – document the deliverables, client centered approaches, and my favorite, EVIDENCE BASED OUTCOMES!!! Come on Terry, you can do it. You know the score, 96% of all us know that 69% of all evaluations are made up on the spot. You’ve got the upper hand my friend. Just smudge and fudge. Come on – you can do it.

Like the argument many centuries ago that the earth was flat or the creationist dogma still going on today, science is ridiculed by those who are threatened by it. For example, the statement “96% of all us know that 69% of all evaluations are made up on the spot”. Funnily enough, it reminds me of another observation - 88% of percentages are made up. Darren’s brainwashing from DFA obscures the fact that his argument against Harm Minimisation is actually the argument used against his cohorts. They are constantly accused of referring to junk science using useless statistics in an effort to appear legitimate. Harm Minimisation supporters, on the other hand, base their arguments on evidence and well established research but when it doesn’t suit the anti-drug zealots, it magically becomes “academia jargon”.

My challenge to you Terry Good is! Can you please document for us, the public, a 2 to 5 year strategic plan with all of your aims and objectives on how you’re going to legalise and administer heroin please. Just post it on your website, come on, it’s not that hard. You’ve posted that many things on your web site most would think you wouldn't have trouble posting a letter to Santa by the looks of it, and Santa actually even replying to it.

This is the first time I have been criticised for having too much content!

Who will administer the heroin TERRY GOOD? The government sector or the private sector? Who decides on the level of dose TERRY GOOD? Will it be the client's just like the methadone program? At what age will the criteria be set to for perspective uses to engage in heroin use TERRY GOOD? Come on TERRY GOOD – SHOW US THE PLAN. P.S If you were to accept the challenge to which I doubt, don’t let it take up to much of your time though mate. You have to work remember whilst all the time managing to keep your web site ticking over, which looks like to the average punter it would take probably 5 of Bill Gates best just to keep it ticking over for a week. Go figure!!!

There are several references to the time I spend on this site and the amount of content being excessive. If I compare my site to other blogs that I often read, I have less content on average. There are millions of bloggers who have a lot more content than me which raises the issue of Darren’s ability to intake information. If my site is overdone with content, how the hell would he go reading a government enquiry or research papers? Maybe it’s because it has too many hard words and not enough pretty pictures or because Darren’s blog only had one article, 13 comments, included the word “mate” 14 times and lasted about 2 hours. More importantly it again raises the issue of being criticised for achieving something. I might understand if The Australian Heroin Diaries was accused of lacking substance or not being maintained adequately but to be criticised (wrongly) for having too much content is bizarre. Do I spend too much time writing? That’s debatable but you would have to include a million or so bloggers as well. I wonder if regularly talking to school kids and filling their heads with misinformation is a bigger waste of time?

P.S.S.TERRY Don’t forget to feed the pets. TERRY,GET OFF THE COMPUTER. Terry you’re neglecting the pets. GET OFF THE COMPUTER. NOW! And feed the pets.

I don’t know what to make of this one. I think it’s humour like calling me “Terry Good”. Maybe it’s an in-joke between Darren and himself?

Darren Marton

Correct. You spelt your name right.

Diary: Methadone vs. Morphine Update

DIARY: I have had more requests to talk about my experience on Slow Release Oral Morphine (SROM) compared to methadone and because it’s been a while since I started on SROM, it would be a good time to discuss progress. Although it was a bit shaky at the start, I am fully in the swing of SROM now and I could never go back to methadone. It was a life saver originally and I strongly support methadone maintenance treatment(MMT) but it eventually led to some nasty side effects especially depression. SROM has changed my life for the better although there as still some issues that will probably never be resolved. The bottom line is that SROM as is an excellent treatment for heroin addiction and should an alternative to other medications for Opiate Maintenance Treatment(OMT).

The benefits of SROM compared to methadone for myself after 6 months:

LESS DEPRESSION
After years of methadone, my depression was severe. On a normal day, I would be fine until lunchtime but I couldn’t work anymore after that and I would sit by myself for hours just staring into space. There was little relief and I started to use heroin again a few times a week. This really took the depression away but it wasn’t the answer being illegal and very expensive. SROM fixed all that. Having a few short sleeps would break the day up and any depression is now short lived. It’s one hell of a difference to my life!

REDUCED HEROIN USE
I hardly use heroin anymore and I don’t get that feeling that I am due for some. I sort of feel that I don’t need it or I am happy without it, it’s hard to explain. Also the once great thrill of having a hit has almost gone ... I can’t be bothered. Even when prescription heroin becomes a reality, I would still opt for SROM.

LESS DROWSY
On high doses of methadone, I was always on the nod. Even when I got my dose down to 40ml, I would still nod off when tired. That’s gone completely although I did nod a bit when I first started SROM. I can now sit up as late as I want and instead of nodding, I fall asleep like everyone else.

STRONGER FEELING OF NORMALITY / BETTER SOCIAL FUNCTIONING
I still don’t socialise like I should but tasks like walking the dogs or shopping is not put off as often with crappy excuses. I wish I could enjoy going out more to parties or to see bands like I used to but without drinking or drugs, it’s fairly boring. It’s probably just my age and going out and yahooing is not my thing anymore. Going to the movies is fine but even social events like dinner where you have to engage in too much conversation is demanding. This could just be me but it’s still not as bad as when on I was on methadone.

SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT
No more getting up at 5am and staying up. That used to do me in by midday and I would be nodding all day. Now I get up at normal hours. The downside is having to sleep during the day. Luckily I work from home so I have 2 naps each day for about 30-60 minutes. Once early afternoon and once about 5-7pm. Also if you think methadone dreams are vivid, try morphine dreams. Morphine was actually named after Morpheus, the Greek god of dreams.

OTHER
No fluid build up/weight gain, healthier appetite, less constipation, no aching and better pain management.

Since asking to get my dose increased (which didn’t happen), I have started to adapt out of necessity. It took a good month to feel properly balanced but I am feeling as well as I am ever going to on my current dose. This was helped by initially using heroin a few times which I feel was unnecessary if my dose had been increased.

Although I am a big supporter of prescription heroin, SROM should be a priority first. All countries can easily allow SROM to be part of their OMT where as prescription heroin has all sorts of legal and logistical problems.


Support
I received an email of support from a university lecturer a few days back.

Just wanted to shoot a brief note to say thank you for what is one of the better sites on heroin use on the web. I'm opiate dependent myuself, but opted for Suboxone over the alternatives. The site is a literal treasure trove of enlightening informationthat needs to be spread and wide ... which incidentally is what I try to do myself.
[...]
I hope you don't mind my adding you site to the course's online presence as an external link ... it just speaks with such clarity to the stereotyping of heroin users and the unconscionable part played in this stereotyping by five decades of Bronwyns (love the photojob re: Faces of Meth) and Bolts of the world.

Thanking you for a truly informative, yet engaging and amusing public resource...

I receive a few emails each week but this one stood out. He attached a report that he wrote in collaboration with the Salvos and I intend to read it this weekend. I think we will hear more about this in up coming articles.

Getting feedback like this is flattering and encourages me to keep up my site going. In the non cyber world it’s very different when people find out you’re a junkie, recovering or not. I don’t associate with my partners family at all anymore nor do I have contact with most of my old friends. I’m sure some of you know what I mean. My family are fine and very supportive especially my father, who although being rather conservative as well as an ex cop, hasn’t faulted even once. My best friend who lives in another state has stuck by me as well and it’s like nothing has changed since we were at school together. Apart from a few other good friends and a bunch of “mates” I see occasionally, I get encouragement from my website.


Feedback
Does anyone have any feedback on the above items?

Yes, I want more feedback from you. Email me with your thoughts, stories or experiences. Even better, leave a comment.